chinked, dented and depleted
yesterday was just one of those days when you just have to realize that it is not about you. not one little bit. something is amiss in the universe...a cosmic burp that disrupts and not so subtly. really much of it is just to ridiculous to be believed. i just have to shake my head. because at work it is my responsibility to "manage the house" i was stuck in the middle of everything trying to trouble shoot and smooth out and navigate through all the disruption and chaos.
i suppose it was not a good omen for the day when first thing in the morning a worker opened the cabinet above her desk only to have an enormous and terrified rat fly past her face and skid to the floor. a secretary on the opposite side saw it coming in her direction and joined the first in a loud terror filled scream. the rat shrieked. it was so panicked looking for escape that it began to spin on the floor from its abrupt attempt to stop and switch direction. not one of the beings in that room was happy with the situation. all were in fright and flight mode.
no not a good sign at all.
i had to deal with many unhappy and disgruntle people. i had a nursing and medical staff trying to take care of a patient who refused the treatment plan we offered. i was sent to talk to them all and seek a mutual understanding. it is rare that crazy people can press my buttons and i quickly understood the staffs frustration. there was no persuading and certainly no mediation at this point. all reason had evaporated so i gave the patient the option of following the prescribed treatment or allowing her the right to refuse it and leave. she chose to refuse it...got up pulled off her lines and wires and walked out of intensive care!
then there was the family member who came in to visit. it seems her "loved one" had died during the night. there were numerous attempts to contact the family. apparently none of the contact numbers that were given us worked...they were all bogus phone numbers. so when the family member came in she was informed. within the hour the entire family was stirred into a frenzied angry hornets nest and an attorney was lined up. it all got very messy very quickly. i am not sure if it was grief or greed that motivated all of this. i will try not to judge in this case...
then there was a personal hiccough. an email i’d sent. it’s personal so all i will say is that i was shocked and horrified to find that it was misinterpreted and very nearly caused a freeze on a tender shoot of a budding new relationship. i was in intensive care dealing with the irate patient when i got the email and read it. my face became intolerably hot with shock and even a touch of panic. it had to be evident on my face. i could think of nothing else for the next hour but of fixing it all if it could be.
i wanted to retreat and lick my wounds and regroup. but there was not time for it.
in the emergency room there was another crazy person who was so disruptive he could be heard screaming and cursing throughout the whole department and even outside its doors. when i walked in i could feel the tension and energy about the entire department. nurses and doctors were trying to focus on their sick patients but i could see the distraction in their body language. everyone was scurrying about.
the most fascinating thing though was to observe how the black striped jump-suited and shackled prisoner reacted to this as he walked past this violently screaming patient behind the curtain that separated them. the prisoner started getting excited and stopped, mesmerized, staring at the curtain. i swear he started to sway. the guard hadn’t realized his prisoner had stopped. it was that fraction in time when all the universe stops and you can see quite clearly what is about to occur. all hell was about to break loose. it didn't. as i moved forward and a warning was beginning to come from my mouth the guard saw him and snapped him out it moving him on.
i was sweating bullets!
yes, this was the timbre and tone set for the day. it started from the moment i arrived at work yesterday and did not end. i felt so tired that i asked my supervisor if i could switch my schedule so that i could have off today. it was an office paper work kind of day anyway and she readily consented. she herself had such a ferocious headache from her day that she was squinting in pain. i got home gave up on my plan to go toss some iron around in the gym and even the idea of eating and went straight to bed. the fact that i had only slept 7 hours of the previous 48 has added to my exhaustion. my tolerance for the weird and chaotic was finally been sapped.
today i will rest regroup and refuel. i feel a long swim coming on...the kind that puts me in a trance and allows me to stay submerged in a place that has always been safe and peaceful for me. i will glide through the water and feel my body transform into a giant creature of the sea...in harmony with the motion and rhythm of that watery place. and then i will emerge and go toss around that iron because i to need to see and feel my own power. i need to polish my armor and knock out a few dings. i need the feel steeled and ready for what might be next...right now i am feeling far too vulnerable.
scribere
7/15/2009
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