when darkness falls

in maslow's hierarchy there is listed at it's base those things necessary for human survival.  these are breathing, food, water, sleep, sex, homeostasis and excretion.  other needs like safety, health,family, and esteem are found further up this hierarchy.  i rather disagree with this order.  it is well known that in survival situations some die regardless of the availability of essentials to meet basic physical needs.  fire interestingly while essential because it provides warmth, protects and allow us to cook, also gives us comfort and hope.  i am not attempting to express some philosophical view but rather to express a personal belief.  we humans are more than breathing, eating, pooping beings.  we think and we feel. i believe something critical is missing from this list of basic human survival needs.  that need is "hope."

from humankind's earliest existence we have held fast to the belief that there something out there (where ever that is) that is greater than ourselves.  we search for "meaning" in our lives.  from our primitive ancestors forward religions, sciences and philosophies have formed in order to search and sort out our purpose in life.  perhaps is is not for us to know at all on this earthly plain. perhaps it is the seeking that is the point.  regardless, there must be the ingredient of hope in the mix or it all seems bleak and pointless.

in my career i've run two trauma programs. one of my cardinal rules was that no matter how hopeless the outcome may seem, you must never take away someone's hope...not the victim's and not the loved one's.  a friend, a trauma nurse, was once confronted by a gunshot victim while in an elevator going to the OR.  "am i going to die?" he asked.  blood oozed past his bandages and steadily trickled to the floor.  "you'd better start praying sir because you're pretty fucked up."  he prayed and he did indeed survive. her honesty kept his hope alive in the way she allowed him to believe.   

i think j.k. rowling nailed it when she introduced dementors in her harry potter series.  they are soulless beings who suck the joy from humans and replace it with bitter despair and sorrow.  they rob us of that ingredient so vital to our existence. where there is despair and no hope there is nothingness.  the victims of the dementors are left either mad or soulless.  foul as these creatures are there is a reality in them. humans do and will confront life's challenges and dip their toe in the well of despair.  most of us retract from it and find our meaning again.  some will succumb. very unfortunately i have seen this too often in my career.  my personal life as well has been touched by it.

a few days ago i lost a friend and coworker. somewhere in the dark cold mist of her despair she lost her way.  she was 42 years old.  i am experienced enough in life to recognize a soul of light from one of darkness.  she was the former. i looked forward every time to her smiles, her pats on the back and her warm genuine hugs.  she was a beautiful soul who brought joy to others. some how though in these past many months her journey began to spiral downward.  those closest to her could not reach her.  her voice mailbox became choked with messages left unheard.  she lost her hope and just like that she lost her life. 

certainly i grieve for my loss.  mostly though i feel sad for those who loved her most who tried so desperately to helpher.  the reality is that no one could have changed her course.  her journey was hers alone...as it is for us all.  there is more to this life than what our very human eyes can see and our brains comprehend.  how we navigate it when our backs are up against the wall and our purpose challenged depends on our belief that there is more.  the evening of her death i went outside and lit a fire to  offer my friend some comfort, peace and light on her journey.  in the end though i found it served to bring me warmth and peace to my soul.